Big day ahead

Well, we survived. Today was the day the miscarriage happened last pregnancy. I called in to work to deal with it my own way. I became increasingly nervous and analyzing every little thing I felt on Wednesday night, and to be honest, I just didn't want to deal with that at work.

Therefore, I stayed home. I would've slept in if a certain cat had not found it necessary to attack my feet at 7 a.m. The brightside was that I was able to go to breakfast with Mom (breakfast out is my absolute favorite) at Bub's Cafe and devour a breakfast bowl thing. Yum.

After the devouring, obviously I had to come home and take a nap! JM returned home from class not long after I woke up and although it was frigid cold, we took advantage of the sun and took Kodi for a long walk together. We then just enjoyed each other's company and chilled on the couch watching episodes of some of our favorite sitcoms.

JM wanted to take care of dinner, so he went out and grabbed Papa John's ($10 for a large pizza up to 7 toppings...how could we not?!?) and we watched "Julie and Julia". It turned out to be a really cute movie, although I didn't like something in the end, which I won't say in case I ruin it for someone.

All in all, pretty good day. I'm about to go to bed because I no longer stay up past 9:30 and I'm tired! Plus, I'm so excited for tomorrow morning. In case you don't remember, it's the first prenatal appointment!!! God was good and helped make what I was scared was going to be a negative day into something beautiful. He gave me faith and hope and confidence to get through it and has helped to show me that our appointment tomorrow is going to be wonderful, and we'll see that our child is nothing less than perfect.

Side note, if this is your first pregnancy, please buy "What to Expect When You're Expecting". During our first pregnancy we bought "You're Pregnancy, Week by Week". "You're Pregnancy..." is a great book. It describes everything in immense detail and discusses anything and everything you would ever need to know. However, as one of my friends put it, after a miscarriage, you lose some of the pregnancy innocence that others are able to enjoy. When I have an abdominal cramp, I look in the index of the book and in "You're Pregnancy...", it discusses miscarriage, ectopic pregnancies, etc. Since it is written by a doctor, it seems to cover all the possibilities. But when you're 6 weeks along and have already had a miscarriage, the last thing you want to read is about ectopic pregnancies. When I looked in the index of "What to Expect..." it took me to a page that discussed how this is very common in the 4-6ish week of pregnancy and to make sure I discuss it with my doctor at my next visit. It even went on to say that if there is bleeding involved or it's severe cramping, this still could be normal but call your doctor today so they know what's going on. It's much more....soothing I guess is the word. The book is telling you that you're symptoms are probably fine but let's call the doctor so THEY KNOW. Not because the symptoms are a bad sign. They put everything in a positive light, kind of like a mom would :-). "Sweetie, that dress looks amazing, but let's have you try on the next bigger size just to make sure the sizing isn't weird in this line...definitely not because you gained weight!"

Off to bed so I can TRY to sleep before our big morning!!!

Every Moment a Blessing

A week and a half ago JM and I received a very welcome surprise. We've been trying for a baby since the miscarriage and had been so far unsuccessful. I truly didn't think we were pregnant this month. I had no symptoms and no heartburn like I did last time. I had 2 weeks off of work and the day I went back I was expecting to start my cycle. I got kinda bored at work (don't tell my supervisor) and bought a pregnancy test.

To my disbelief, there was a VERY faint line. I had JM come into work and he saw the line, too. We couldn't believe it (and were so apprehensively thrilled) so I took another test and this one was negative. It was only an hour or so after taking the first test, so I don't think I waited long enough. To be on the safe side, I called the doctor and they had me come in for bloodwork as soon as possible, "given my history" (I'm hearing that alot). Sure enough, the bloodwork was positive! To be proactive, the doctor started me on progesterone pills.

The first few days I was thrilled, thrilled, thrilled. Then the worry started setting in. Obviously, I'm still on cloud 9 and grateful we're having another chance, but behind it all there's some worry. Every pain I feel, every time I don't have a symptom. I'm trying so hard to focus on the positive, but some days that's harder than others.

I think this week will be the hardest. At least I hope I'm getting the hardest (emotional) part out of the way! Tomorrow will be the day I started bleeding last time. Then Wednesday will be the day I miscarried. I feel like if I can get past that day, I'll feel more confident. Friday is our first doctor's appointment, and I'm telling myself that if I can just make it to Friday, everything will be perfect. I'll have all my worries disconcerted and know how well the baby is progressing. I'm not sure if we'll be able to do an ultrasound, but they're going to do a full work up so we'll know how it's going.

Yesterday I woke up to some extreme nausea and found excitement in it. I didn't mind at all, in fact, I welcomed it. We're not keeping the news a secret this time, and not waiting to buy things or look at items we'll need. I've decided that I'm going to celebrate every moment I have with this pregnancy. If, God forbid, something is to happen, I want to have enjoyed every moment I had and know that every second I have is truly a blessing we've been given by God.

JM and I have started celebrating every Sunday, which marks a start of a new week in the pregnancy. The last couple of weeks have been with Cupcake Camper's cupcakes and a glass of milk. A prayer is said, thanking God for the past week he's given us and asking him to help us and the baby in the week to come. Then we 'cheers' with our milk glasses and enjoy our cupcake. It's becoming a great weekly celebration for us, and a time to reflect and refocus on what's really important.