Release

This past Saturday JM, Mom and I attended "A Walk to Remember". It was a memorial service for families and friends who have lost children. A friend of mine had told me about it and I was so excited to go...then the night before I started to chicken out. I wasn't sure if I was really ready for this. I know the baby's gone, but it's so hard to admit. It's even harder to admit to myself that I need help with this.

JM ended up calling in to work so that made me feel like we had to go, and I'm so incredibly glad we did. Just to be surrounded by so many people in the same situation helped immensely. Then to see all the people with other kids and to see actual proof that there's still hope, that this isn't the end.

The first part was a memorial service where the names were read and you could go put a ribbon angel on a wreath in memory. This portion was called "Remember". It was a very nice little service and it brought my emotions back up which I think was good...then I have to deal with them instead of push them aside to deal with at a 'more appropriate time'.

What helped me the most was the "Release" portion. First, 3 white doves were released. This was to help us look toward the sky, look toward the future, and signify hope. I believe they even said something about the doves carrying our sorrows and grief. Honestly, it was kind of hard to pay attention to the words because the 3 doves took off to the beautiful blue autumn sky and circled multiple times. It was such an amazing site. I truly felt like my soul was being cleansed to start fresh. That all of my grief and blame and every other emotion I had been feeling was being taken away by these birds, leaving me only with hope.

After that, a balloon was released with a card attached with all of the babies' names written on it. This was the second portion of the "Release", but for me it was so much more. As children, my brother and I would get upset when our balloons would fly off into the sky, as children do. To make it better for us, our parents would tell us that the balloons were going to Grandma's, which was many states away in NJ. This always seemed to make us feel better. After the miscarriage, one thing I truly struggled with was the fact that my baby didn't have me. I know it's with God and I know that should comfort me, but I should've been the one taking care of him. I wanted to badly to hold him and to know him. One of the things that helped me with this was knowing that my Grandma was holding him. I know she's taking care of him until I can meet him.

When the balloon was released and almost out of site, I turned to JM to joke that it was going to Grandma's, and the symbolism became clear to me. It was like a huge wave of relief hit. That balloon was indeed going to my Grandma's...she's holding my baby and all my balloons for me. So until then, I am allowed to go on with my life and be filled with hope for the future and it's alright...someone else is taking care of the things that I can't until it's my turn.

Randoms

Wow, December was the last time I blogged?!? Yikes! What have my loyal followers been doing while I was away??? :-)

Happy Good Friday to all. Is that the right thing to say? Regardless, it's what I'm saying. I'm working today saving one life at a time with Albuterol while everyone else has the day off paid. It actually has been a hectic day. We had two codes this morning which were true codes. A lot of times you get there and someone just fell, etc. These were real they're-not-breathing-no-pulse-intubate-compressions type deals. Added a little excitement to my day! Although I have a new scrub top and it's made out of polyester and cotton instead of just cotton. According to the tag, it's a more comfortable fit. According to Shan, it doesn't breathe. Running flights of stairs to the codes was hard work and I sweat right through the shirt. Good thing it's a dark color so no one could tell!

We put an offer on a house yesterday. We want to be very excited but we're afraid it will fall through. A couple of weeks ago we put an offer on another house (which was wayyyy over-priced) and didn't really think it would work out...obviously it didn't. We weren't too bummed because it was a little far out in Fishers and honestly, I didn't "see" us in it. This house I see us in. That tends to make me a little more apprehensive about getting excited because we don't want to be disappointed if it doesn't work out.

Tomorrow night JM and I are going to an Egyptian restaurant with a group of people. I've never had Egyptian food and am very excited! Hopefully it's not a lot of lamb!!!

JM got his internship! He had an interview yesterday and they hired him on the spot! Smart people!!!

Back to work. Hopefully it will quiet down a bit. My legs are a little sore from all the running and stairs earlier!!!

Happy Easter weekend!

Hard at work?

Yesterday while I was hard at work on a Saturday (and yes, I really was hard at work yesterday), this is what the rest of my apartment was doing.

Worldy updates

Well, maybe not "worldly" updates...but Shan updates!!!

I took my CRT (certified Respiratory Therapy) exam last Monday and passed! Very exciting because then I was able to officially start work this week. Yay for being paid!

I still need to take both parts of the RRT (registered RT) exam. I'm signed up to take the written registry portion on Friday, June 13th in the a.m. Then I'll take the clinical simulations on Wednesday, June 18th. The clinical simulations are when they give you a situation and you have to pick answers based on decision making and information gathering. I think there's 10 of them and it's very long!

So I started working this week at Clarian's Indiana University Hospital in downtown Indianapolis. It's where I've worked for the last year as a student RT. I even got my one year anniversary key chain the other day! Tuesday was rather exhausting, it was Clarian orientation. The same EXACT seminar I had to sit through last summer. But, I got paid well AND I signed up for my health insurance and all of that. It will all go into affect on June 1st. Yay!

I had yesterday off and then today I went in the morning for some computer training. While working as a student I wasn't able to check off meds on the computer or write orders so I had to learn how to do that stuff. Tomorrow I go in for 8 hours for department and general care orientation. Next week I'll get into the 12 hour shifts I need to get accustomed to!

I went and looked at some houses with Mom today. There are a lot of cute ones out there but that might be making it a harder decision. Tomorrow night we're going over to Lyndsay's to play (or in my case, try to play) poker. Nothing but yoga planned for Saturday and Sunday is church and a bridal show.

Off to bed. I do have to work tomorrow!

Making some progress

Scout has let me pick her/him up!!! Mom came over to check her out and we both just sat in the bathroom here she/he had made a nest out of a towel. He/she looked really sleepy and to be honest, I was getting worried that it wasn't making it. We cleaned out the extra bedroom closet and made a whole nest area for her/him in there and I picked up the towel with Scout in it and was able to set it down in the closet. I even picked her/him up and put it in the litter box and tried to explain what you do in that...Mom even made peeing noises. I'm not sure if he/she caught on though. JM and I bought some puppy training pads and lined the closet with them, so even if she doesn't use the litter box right away it's ok. He's eaten about 2 small containers of food...totally famished. And now he's back to hissing a bit and a little more active. He seems to like the light off in the closet, I figure that's because it lived under the ramp with no light. But she let me comb her with a flea comb and JM's even allowed to pet her now. Here are some pics from after the move to the closet.

Oh, and to make her a little more lovable...she has a lazy eye.

Notice the tiny head in the middle of the towel bundle?

Mom petting her to show how little she is. Her head's about twice the size of her body.

Close up

Scout is finally caught

After 3 days (which seemed like much longer), we caught the kitten! For those of you I didn't ramble to, here's the story. I was driving into the apartment complex on Saturday morning and I happened to see a tiny head poking out from under the wheelchair ramp leading to our clubhouse. I walked back and sure enough, it's a kitten. And a VERY wild kitten! After many cans of food, coaxing, and sitting out in the rain, JM and I finally caught it today. We found out that it is the last of 5 kittens to have been caught from under there in the last week or so. Not sure where the mom went, but they were all very hungry, scared and lonely.

I'm not sure how I thought the encounter would go, but so far it's been a bit of an exhaustion. It flipped out when JM picked it up and has just finally stopped meowing (it's now been almost three hours). We put it in the cat carrier in the bathroom and left it with food, water, a make-shift litter box and a blanket with a hot water bottle inside of it. We go in periodically to try to talk to it and get it a little more used to us. It doesn't spit at me anymore at least! I am desperately hoping it won't be too long of an adjustment period.


I'm hoping to foster her (or him...not sure yet) until it's more well-adjusted and then try to find a home for it. If you know of anyone who may be interested, please forward this on!!!

This is where she has been living...

Now here she is scared and mad in our bathroom!

Studying is for pansies

I have an exam tomorrow. At least I've opened the notebook, right? :-) I'll get to it, I swear. I wanted to upload the pictures from this weekend first!
Saturday JM and I slept in and went to Bob Evans for breakfast. We had an awesome server who hooked us up with free pumpkin and banana nut bread, then sent us home with some free biscuits. Low carb diets are something we obviously aren't trying.
We were going to head down to Oliver Winery and maybe Nashville (Indiana) but it was SUCH a beautiful day that we made some adjustments. It was seventy-something degrees out, not a cloud in the perfectly blue sky, and the leaves were changing. We picked up Kodi and threw him in the car (ok, we walked him to the car, didn't throw him) and headed down to Brown County State Park. Neither of us had been there so it was quite the experience.
If you want to see all the pictures from the weekend, I've posted a bunch of new ones at http://picasaweb.google.com/shannonmoliver

This is my favorite picture. We took trail 7, which went around Ogle Lake. Everything was gorgeous and I took 500 pictures. Wow, I exaggerate a lot.

This is Ogle Lake at the start of the trail. We were just amazed, it was so beautiful. There was a wedding going on just to the left. That couple totally lucked out with the great weather and scenery. Any other day this month has been rainy or hot as Haites!

Kodi, JM and I off the trail. I'm obviously slipping on the leaves.

Another gorgeous view of the lake from the trail.

Our last stop, Hesitation Point. Kodi was as exhausted as he looks!

We did stop at the Oliver Winery on our way back but were only able to stay for a few minutes because we got stuck in stupid IU football traffic. Then we rushed home and my parents took us to dinner at Harry and Izzy's downtown. It was sooo good. I had filet and lobster...woo hoo! Then we went to Nicky Blaine's, the martini and cigar bar downtown. I had a few more excellent martinis before we had to leave because the stupid mall parking garage closed at midnight!

JM left for Georgia today for two weeks for Army stuff. I took Kodi to my parents because I have really long days and without JM here, Kodi may go insane. We had birthday cake, the traditional Taylor's with fall flowers. It's the same one I've had every year -- I believe since we moved here about 18 years ago.

Mom and Dad got me some great presents as well. They got me the Dansko's I've been wanting. I swear everyone at the hospital has them and says they're the best thing for your feet. They also got me a "Life is Good" t-shirt with a turtle on it -- I love sea turtles. I also got a frame/memory box since I'm all into trying to decorate the apartment with pictures.

Aunt Judy and Uncle Dave sent me a giftcard to Barnes and Noble...my favorite store. I can't decide which book to get. I have a huge list of to-reads!

Ok, Wedding Date is on so I should get going. Wait, what I meant to say is that I need to study a bit before I go to bed!