With all the excitement of our pregnancy progressing, I haven't had much time to dwell on our 'missed baby'. I've been so focused on this pregnancy that I found myself pulled out of my depressed state without even knowing it happened. But in the last few days I've been reminded and it feels like a wound was reopened. No where near the pain of the fresh wound, but this nagging ache of something that won't heal.
A co-worker's daughter-in-law is due within days of what would've been my due date. When I first found out we were pregnant, she and I had discussions and shared excitement. The other day I heard her mention that her daughter-in-law could go into labor any day now. The memory of the miscarriage hit me like a ton of bricks. Our current pregnancy was blessing me with a wonderful ignorance of what time of year it was and what's coming up..my missed due date. I don't even know how to describe it. I'm so thankful for this pregnancy and feel blessed with our miracle, but at the same time, knowing that April 22nd is approaching hurts my heart.
The daffodils JM and I planted last fall in memory of the baby have come up. One has a bud which hasn't bloomed yet. I'll share a picture of it when it does decide to bloom. The other 2 have grown but there aren't blooms. I have a feeling the resident bunny made a midnight snack out of them. I don't mind, as long as she left 1, I'm content. I love that we planted them outside of our bedroom window. Every morning I open the drapes and they are the first thing I see. It turned out to be a great way to keep our baby's memory alive.
I find myself calling it our 'missed baby' now. After I returned home from Florida, JM and I went to the doctor and the nurse said, "So I see you had a missed baby". That felt like the perfect word for so many reasons. The word 'miscarriage' hurts too badly to say, and after you've had one, it's too common of a word in your vocabulary. But 'missed'...that's exactly what it was. I missed it. Emotionally, physically, any way you could imagine. I just missed it. Even now, when we have everything we could have ever dreamed and it is all going so smoothly, I miss it.
Anyways, there's my sad note for the day. Didn't mean to be Debbie Downer, but somedays the pain comes back and this is my release. Well, wine is usually my release but that's out of the question for now :-)
What used to be known as The Wonderful World of Shan is now The Wonderful Life of Miss Ali Vi and family.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
140
I finally woke up after a long nap to blog about our doctor's appointment this morning. Not sure if it's just the excitement of the visit, but every time we go to the doctor I have to take a nap afterwards!
Today was our 4 week routine visit. For those of you who aren't keeping track (I just figure everyone is obsessing over it!), we are in the middle of the 14th week and officially in the second trimester (and Ladi is the size of a lemon). My mom was able to join us at this appointment so it was great to have someone else hear our little Ladi's presence!
My weight was still a tad lower than my pre-pregnancy weight, so I guess the vomiting isn't ALL bad ;-). My blood pressure was normal and everything else looked good. The doctor was able to find the heartbeat outside my belly with the Doppler ultrasound. She had to look around for a minute, which obviously stopped MY heart for a minute, but as soon as she went to the left side we heard the little glub glub. The heartrate was down to 140, so it seemed much slower than last time! Side note, we do not believe old wives' tales so please don't tell us how that means it's a boy a girl. You never realize how annoying that gets until you're pregnant!!!
Anyways, since she was able to hear the heartbeat with the Doppler I can officially stop taking the progesterone pills! Yay! The doctor thinks that's why I'm still vomiting. Prometrium is incredibly hard on your stomach and she had the same problem when she took them. (Therefore, we also do not believe the old wive's tale about nausea meaning it's a boy or girl...so that can stop, too!). I admit, I'm nervous to stop taking them. They've been like a safety net to me. But, I have to keep reminding myself that the baby is doing great and has a nice, strong heartbeat.
We were also given the estimated payment plan for the doctor's portion of the delivery (so much for the second trimester being the easiest!) and we start making those payments at the next appointment. My initial reaction was that this stinks, but I'm sure we'll end up with other bills after the birth, so it will be nice to have this one out of the way while we have 2 incomes! Side note, no, I'm not quiting my job after the baby. I am, however, a supplemental employee which means no benefits and no PTO, so we will not have my income while I'm at home for 12 weeks.
I had my blood retested to make sure the thyroid medicine is still at the correct dosage and we'll probably hear back about that in a few days, but it's not something I'm concerned about. We go back April 21st (4 weeks from today) for another routine visit, and then we will go back 1-2 weeks after that for the big ultrasound and to find out the sex!!! Yay! 6 weeks seems like it's going to be a long time, but hopefully it will go fast! I'm so anxious to find out what it is and start buying buying buying!!!
Also, I think I'm officially out of normal sized clothing and into maternity. From what I've read, this is about the time it happens, but I'm sure I'm showing a little more than normal since I had absolutely no ab muscles to begin with. At least in maternity clothes I look pregnant and not just fat! We're finding it so funny to see my belly grow and grow. However, I still want to find a shirt that says, "I'm pregnant, not just fat!"
Hope everyone's doing well. I'm attempting to go back to my prenatal water aerobics class tonight after a 3 week hiatus. My first week off was because my morning sickness was hitting at night, then the next week I had plans, then last week the horrible cold started that day. I even bought a new maternity bathing suit to celebrate going back tonight!
Today was our 4 week routine visit. For those of you who aren't keeping track (I just figure everyone is obsessing over it!), we are in the middle of the 14th week and officially in the second trimester (and Ladi is the size of a lemon). My mom was able to join us at this appointment so it was great to have someone else hear our little Ladi's presence!
My weight was still a tad lower than my pre-pregnancy weight, so I guess the vomiting isn't ALL bad ;-). My blood pressure was normal and everything else looked good. The doctor was able to find the heartbeat outside my belly with the Doppler ultrasound. She had to look around for a minute, which obviously stopped MY heart for a minute, but as soon as she went to the left side we heard the little glub glub. The heartrate was down to 140, so it seemed much slower than last time! Side note, we do not believe old wives' tales so please don't tell us how that means it's a boy a girl. You never realize how annoying that gets until you're pregnant!!!
Anyways, since she was able to hear the heartbeat with the Doppler I can officially stop taking the progesterone pills! Yay! The doctor thinks that's why I'm still vomiting. Prometrium is incredibly hard on your stomach and she had the same problem when she took them. (Therefore, we also do not believe the old wive's tale about nausea meaning it's a boy or girl...so that can stop, too!). I admit, I'm nervous to stop taking them. They've been like a safety net to me. But, I have to keep reminding myself that the baby is doing great and has a nice, strong heartbeat.
We were also given the estimated payment plan for the doctor's portion of the delivery (so much for the second trimester being the easiest!) and we start making those payments at the next appointment. My initial reaction was that this stinks, but I'm sure we'll end up with other bills after the birth, so it will be nice to have this one out of the way while we have 2 incomes! Side note, no, I'm not quiting my job after the baby. I am, however, a supplemental employee which means no benefits and no PTO, so we will not have my income while I'm at home for 12 weeks.
I had my blood retested to make sure the thyroid medicine is still at the correct dosage and we'll probably hear back about that in a few days, but it's not something I'm concerned about. We go back April 21st (4 weeks from today) for another routine visit, and then we will go back 1-2 weeks after that for the big ultrasound and to find out the sex!!! Yay! 6 weeks seems like it's going to be a long time, but hopefully it will go fast! I'm so anxious to find out what it is and start buying buying buying!!!
Also, I think I'm officially out of normal sized clothing and into maternity. From what I've read, this is about the time it happens, but I'm sure I'm showing a little more than normal since I had absolutely no ab muscles to begin with. At least in maternity clothes I look pregnant and not just fat! We're finding it so funny to see my belly grow and grow. However, I still want to find a shirt that says, "I'm pregnant, not just fat!"
Hope everyone's doing well. I'm attempting to go back to my prenatal water aerobics class tonight after a 3 week hiatus. My first week off was because my morning sickness was hitting at night, then the next week I had plans, then last week the horrible cold started that day. I even bought a new maternity bathing suit to celebrate going back tonight!
Monday, March 8, 2010
Love Our Plums!
There's not much to report on the baby front, which is a good thing! No unexpected doctor's visits...we haven't even had to call the office for anything! 4 weeks feels like a long time to wait between appointments, especially when the only symptoms of pregnancy are being tired and sick. I feel more confident at this point and I'm becoming more confident in knowing my own body, so I'm fine with the waiting.
Some of you already know, but the nausea became fairly intolerable at one point about 3 weeks ago. Since then I've had good days and bad days, usually more bad than good. JM was able to get my Zofran refilled at Costco so that's helped. The vitamin B6 and Unisom didn't seem to do a whole lot other than knock me out. Even half of a Unisom dose makes me incredibly groggy the next day, so I try not to take it too often. Surprisingly enough, I haven't vomited since Friday night (and it's now Monday morning). There have been a couple of bad nausea spells, but that's it. Let's hope that means I'm moving out of this phase! The drowsiness seems to have picked up in the last few days, but as long as I can get through the workday without falling asleep (or at least having no one notice I'm asleep) it's doable.
We turned 12 weeks yesterday and Ladi is now the size of a large, fresh plum. There was a 'life-sized' picture in one of our books and the baby is about the length of my finger. It amazes me that there's something growing inside me that size that's moving around, opening and closing it's mouth, even hiccuping, and I have absolutley no idea this is going on. I can't wait until I can start feeling it! Another thing that amazes me is that at this point, everything is done forming. Now it's just 28 weeks of maturing and growing.
I hope everyone had as nice as weather as we did over the weekend and were able to take advantage of it. Friday I had lunch with some friends and then did a little window shopping at the outdoor mall. After that JM and I took Kodi for a very big walk around the neighborhood while the cleaning ladies made our house respectable again. Then we went to the mall to try to find maternity clothes...ended up being a very unproductive night. The store in the mall closed, so we went to the Amish furniture store to look at gliders and they closed at 7 (it was 7:05). We called it quits after that and ate dinner at Outback. Saturday was so beautiful we took Kodi to Broad Ripple to walk around a different neighborhood. Even stopped at The Three Dog Bakery to get Kodi a pupcake. JM got the grill out and running that night and I grilled bratwurst to welcome in the warm weather. Yesterday wasn't as pretty out, but still warm so we met up with Mom and her doggies at Ft. Ben and walked for about an hour. The rain drizzled on us for a bit but we didn't melt. We finished out the day with butterburgers and sundaes at Culver's. By the time we got home I was so exhausted I got a shower and was in bed by 7:30!
Some of you already know, but the nausea became fairly intolerable at one point about 3 weeks ago. Since then I've had good days and bad days, usually more bad than good. JM was able to get my Zofran refilled at Costco so that's helped. The vitamin B6 and Unisom didn't seem to do a whole lot other than knock me out. Even half of a Unisom dose makes me incredibly groggy the next day, so I try not to take it too often. Surprisingly enough, I haven't vomited since Friday night (and it's now Monday morning). There have been a couple of bad nausea spells, but that's it. Let's hope that means I'm moving out of this phase! The drowsiness seems to have picked up in the last few days, but as long as I can get through the workday without falling asleep (or at least having no one notice I'm asleep) it's doable.
We turned 12 weeks yesterday and Ladi is now the size of a large, fresh plum. There was a 'life-sized' picture in one of our books and the baby is about the length of my finger. It amazes me that there's something growing inside me that size that's moving around, opening and closing it's mouth, even hiccuping, and I have absolutley no idea this is going on. I can't wait until I can start feeling it! Another thing that amazes me is that at this point, everything is done forming. Now it's just 28 weeks of maturing and growing.
I hope everyone had as nice as weather as we did over the weekend and were able to take advantage of it. Friday I had lunch with some friends and then did a little window shopping at the outdoor mall. After that JM and I took Kodi for a very big walk around the neighborhood while the cleaning ladies made our house respectable again. Then we went to the mall to try to find maternity clothes...ended up being a very unproductive night. The store in the mall closed, so we went to the Amish furniture store to look at gliders and they closed at 7 (it was 7:05). We called it quits after that and ate dinner at Outback. Saturday was so beautiful we took Kodi to Broad Ripple to walk around a different neighborhood. Even stopped at The Three Dog Bakery to get Kodi a pupcake. JM got the grill out and running that night and I grilled bratwurst to welcome in the warm weather. Yesterday wasn't as pretty out, but still warm so we met up with Mom and her doggies at Ft. Ben and walked for about an hour. The rain drizzled on us for a bit but we didn't melt. We finished out the day with butterburgers and sundaes at Culver's. By the time we got home I was so exhausted I got a shower and was in bed by 7:30!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Second routine doctor's appointment
Last Wednesday we went for our second routine doctor's appointment and I totally forgot to blog! I had to come home and take a nap afterwards, so that's my excuse.
The appointment didn't consist of much, which tends to be a good sign. Vitals were taken (turns out I've actually lost weight since we got pregnant...one good thing about the nausea and vomiting) and then the doctor told us about her policies and answered our questions. We'll go in for appointments every 4 weeks now until I'm about 28 weeks. At our next appointment (March 24th) we will be able to hear the heartbeat outside my tummy...should be very exciting!
We will find out the sex in an ultrasound between 18 and 20 weeks. I turned 11 weeks yesterday so we've still got a little ways. Right now Ladi is the size of a large lime :-)
That's about it for now. The nausea and vomiting are still a daily (at least once a day) occurence. I ran out of my Zofran and the doctor suggested taking Vitamin B6 and Unisom. Odd, but I'm desperate. I think we'll start trying that tonight.
The appointment didn't consist of much, which tends to be a good sign. Vitals were taken (turns out I've actually lost weight since we got pregnant...one good thing about the nausea and vomiting) and then the doctor told us about her policies and answered our questions. We'll go in for appointments every 4 weeks now until I'm about 28 weeks. At our next appointment (March 24th) we will be able to hear the heartbeat outside my tummy...should be very exciting!
We will find out the sex in an ultrasound between 18 and 20 weeks. I turned 11 weeks yesterday so we've still got a little ways. Right now Ladi is the size of a large lime :-)
That's about it for now. The nausea and vomiting are still a daily (at least once a day) occurence. I ran out of my Zofran and the doctor suggested taking Vitamin B6 and Unisom. Odd, but I'm desperate. I think we'll start trying that tonight.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Nothing Like Adding a Little Excitement to Your Day...
I've been having pretty intense pain in my left lower back since we found out I'm pregnant. I believed it was a kidney/bladder/etc. infection, but the doctor's office didn't look into it because I wasn't having any other symptoms. They were just attributing it to pregnancy pains and said those things would come and go.
Then the last couple of days I've had very cloudy urine (I know, TMI) and since I was finally off work yesterday I called and told them my symptoms. Since they don't want to give you unnecessary meds while you're pregnant the nurse asked me to come in for a dip stick test. In the meantime, JM came home before class to say hi so he decided to go with me. As I was getting ready, I suddenly noticed a little bleeding. I know it sounds ignorant, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. There wasn't much, but 'given my history', it scared the crap out of me.
I told the nurse about it when I went for the test and she said she thought it probably had to do with my bladder infection (yep, I had one, I wasn't crazy!), but since my doctor was out of town they wanted to be safe so they had me come in for another ultrasound in the afternoon. I love this new office. There was no, "stay on pelvic rest for a day and let us know if it continues", or "that's normal"...they said it was probably fine but let's to an ultrasound just to make sure. Love it! So proactive!!!
JM and I killed some time and then went back for the ultrasound and it was AMAZING! The baby has grown so much!!! These are the pictures from the last ultrasound. You can see the yolk sac is actually bigger than the baby, and you can't make out anything on the baby. The heartbeat is on the bottom of the one on the left and it was 127 bpm and rather small on the chart.
This week was an amazing difference. You can see the head and the profle of the face! (The baby is upside down in the pics and it's head is on the right, if it helps you to see it!) The yolk sac now is tiny and you can see the little leg buds! You can see the heartbeat on the second picture, which is now 178 bpm and off the chart in strength! When she turned the audio on it was actually loud! Then she turned on the infrared and whereas last time it was a little red beating for the heart, this time about half the baby was red with the heart and blood flow! Such a good little baby already :-)
In the end, we're blessed with everything being perfect with the baby. Ladi's measuring 8 weeks and 2 days, almost perfectly with where it should be. They put me on antibiotics for the bladder infection and everything is looking good! Next doctor's appointment is Wednesday at 10:45.
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