Catching up on Ali

I guess since I haven't blogged in months I'll do a catch up! 

Alice Violet Ladislas was born on Sept. 26th at 11:29 a.m.  I was induced 2 weeks early because of the pre-eclampsia.  I had been on bedrest for 4 weeks leading up to that, so I was very happy to be induced. 

We went in to the hospital on Saturday night.  The plan was for them to put cream on my cervix at 9 pm and 1 am which would soften it to help it dilate.  Then at 5 am they would start the pitocin to get contractions to start.  At 9 am my doctor would round and break my water. 

The first dose was put on my cervix at 9 pm while I was dilated to 1 and effaced 75%.  My family, JM and I hung out in the hospital room watching tv and just goofing off, trying to pass the time.  Then at 1 am another dose was put on my cervix.  I believe I was dilated to 2 and completely effaced...not the progress they were hoping to see.

I took advantage of the offer of Ambien to help me sleep and around 3 am I woke up with a weird feeling.  I woke JM up and had him help me to the bathroom which is where my water broke on its own.  We were both kind of shocked and not real sure what happened at first!  Our nurse was very surprised and said in her experience, rarely does your water break on its own when you're induced. 

As soon as my water broke the contractions started fast and hard.  I was in a lot of pain and asked if it was too early to get the epidural.  The nurse said if my contractions were strong enough to break my water on its own, then it was definitely an ok time!  They came right in and placed the epidural which was a little difficult because my contractions were so close together he had to keep stopping to let me breathe for them. 

After the epidural was placed I was given my first dose of pain meds which knocked me out.  I woke up around 9 when my doctor came in for rounds.  Just for the heck of it my doctor checked me herself while she was in there.  I was completely dilated and effaced!  Talk about a great labor, I went from 2 cm to 10 cm in my sleep!  Of course that was the only easy part ;-)

I pushed for about 2 hours but Ali's little head (she really did have an incredibly small head) got stuck on my pelvic bone somehow.  I pushed and pushed and pushed but I couldn't get her head to pop over the bone.  The doctor came in and had to use forceps, which of course gave me a 4th degree tear (yes, for those of you who don't know, that's a COMPLETE tear).  But Ali popped right out when she used the forceps and she was perfect!  Quite the conehead at first but it fixed itself within a couple of days.

My mom was in the delivery room with us which worked out great because JM was able to go be with Ali while they stitched me up and my mom held my hand.  Everything else is kind of a blur but I know it all worked out great.  My dad, brother and Dara were at the hospital and got to come in after we were all cleaned up.  They all (and my mom) pretty much lived at the hospital while we were there bringing in good food and such which was greatly appreciated.

Since then Ali has been the greatest thing to happen in my life.  She amazes me more and more every day.  I never knew you could feel a love like this.  She holds her head up like a pro and smiles all the time.  She cries maybe once a day and it's usually because she's too tired.  She started sleeping through the night at 2 months old and hasn't woken up during the night since.  Truly the perfect baby.

I went back to work at the beginning of December and we've been very blessed to not have to use daycare.  My mom cares for her most of the time, with Dara and JM filling in other times.  Since JM took this third job I don't have to work 3 days a week anymore.  I scheduled myself for Tuesdays from here on out because Ali can go to work with Mom (Nani) in the morning and then my mom takes her home for the afternoon.  To try to catch up on our bills I think I'm going to pick up Sunday nights because JM's off on Sundays so we can spend the day as a family, then he can put her to bed Sunday night and I'm home Monday morning when she wakes up.  Her and I will take our naps together and she'll never even know I was gone. 

We've done a lot in the last 3 months.  Ali was dedicated at church on Dec. 12th, was a lamb for Halloween, went to her first pumpkin patch....lots of good stuff.  Here's a link to our pictures so you can look through them all!
http://picasaweb.google.com/shannonmoliver

We also had our dear friend take her 3 month/Christmas pictures.  I absolutely love her pictures and she has an amazing style.  Ali absolutely loves her and the pictures turn out wonderful!  Here's a link to the website, click 'client moments', then our name and the password is "Ali".
http://momentsphoto.biz/

Let it out

Every so often, something happens and I just have to complain.  My husband will probably tell you that it happens all the time ;-).  But sometimes complaining to him isn't enough, I still feel like it's bottled up inside of me and I'll explode if I don't talk about it.  So, here we are. 
I occasionally am known to view others from my pedestal.  Occasionally.  But there are some things that I hope I will never ever do.
Now that I'm a parent, there is nothing in this world I wouldn't give or do for my child.  As a matter of fact, I'm writing this while working a night shift.  Most of you know that before Ali there was no way I would've EVER even considered doing this.  But we could use the money for me so I needed to pick up more shifts but I hate being away from her.  This way the only thing I miss out on is putting her to bed.  It sucks, but she doesn't even know I'm gone.  Then tomorrow her and I get to take our naps together!  And she's worth every second of it.
This is how I was raised.  My parents would have and still would move heaven and earth for me if I needed them.  This is how all my friends and the rest of my family was raised.  This is the only way I know.  My relationships with others, my work, and my marriage will always remain important to me and I will continue to work on them, but Ali takes presidence. 
So how in the world could a parent not speak to their child on Christmas.  No, there was no argument or anything like that.  The parent just didn't have time I guess.  The child even called the parent and left a message.  But the parent couldn't take 30 seconds out of their day to call and just say Merry Christmas.
I'm making a vow to myself that no one, including myself, will ever be more important than my child.  I truly believe this is how you raise confident children.  By making sure they know they are loved and cared about.  Not just assuming they know.  But by showing them, even when they're adults.

Updated!

Wow...having a child takes up a lot of your time!!!  I just logged onto this and realized how long it's been since I've blogged.  There were still polls of how long Ali would be and how much she would weigh.  There was even a tracker at the top for how big she was in my belly!!!  I've deleted all that stuff and updated the site, although I did keep the color scheme of her room because let's face it, it's pretty.  But I will make an effort to keep this updated now that Ali's here so everyone can know her latest happenings.  I probably should change the name of the blog from Shan's Life to something more fitting!

Where you stand

Every so often (luckily not very often), someone does or says something that lets you know just where you stand in their life.  With these types of people, you should know to expect it, but I guess you still hold onto that hope that maybe they'll be different with this situation or that.  It's always just a bit disappointing.

Update time

I realized that a lot has happened since I last updated!  You would think I'd be blogging nonstop with nothing else to do on bedrest, but it's really uncomfortable to sit at the computer.  My belly is too big to reach the keyboard!

A week after the last appointment we blogged about I went in for another doctor's appointment and my bi-weekly NST.  JM had to work that morning so Mom took me...although the doctor has never actually said it, I don't technically think I'm supposed to do any driving.  The doctor's appointment went alright, Ali sounded great but my blood pressure was still climbing.  Afterwards we headed over to the NST and during that, my blood pressure increased a little more.  The nurse called my doctor who wanted to keep me at the hospital overnight to monitor the blood pressure as it was getting dangerously (as in, let's get the baby out) high.  JM got there after work and we spent the afternoon with dimmed lights and low sounds, trying to get my blood pressure to drop.  Somehow, it ended up increasing even more.  At one point in the afternoon it was 191/99.  Yea, not good.  I did get the opportunity to do another urine test (which we all know I love) but at least this time someone else had to keep it on ice and it wasn't in my fridge or in a cooler in my bathroom. 

Around 6 pm or so my blood pressure started to even out and they ok'd JM going out to get us food and turning my lights up.  During this whole time I had no symptoms of preeclampsia (I actually haven't had ANY symptoms the whole time other than swelling) so they're trying to be cautious with me, but it's hard when I feel fine!  JM came back with dinner and I started having contractions.  They started just as one every 45 minutes or so, but they were much more severe than any others I had felt.  Ali was only on the monitor every 4 hours so I was the only one noticing these for the time being.  JM was writing the contractions down for me and all of the sudden they were lasting 45 seconds to a minute and happening every minute or two.  I scarfed down my food before we called the nurse (I knew if I was in labor I wouldn't be able to eat and I needed something in me!  I do have priorities!!!).  Luckily, I had the absolute sweetest nurse that night who hooked me up to the monitors and I was indeed in labor.  I was only dilated to 1 but I was 75% effaced and the contractions were increasing in strength and length. 

My doctor's partner was on call and she made the decision to try stopping the contractions.  We were not thrilled.  I was a couple of days from being considered term, Ali was a healthy size and I was expected to have her premature anyways because of the preeclampsia.  First the nurse gave me Nubain, which was a lot of fun at first.  It has the same effect as being drunk and I don't think it even took a minute to hit.  I suddenly found the overhead lights HILARIOUS and was laughing so hard I was crying.  But once the 'fun' part wore off I vomited...not fun.  Even with the meds, my contractions kept increasing.  JM and I were cheering Ali on, telling her to fight the meds :-)  The nurse had told us that if I was in true labor and my body was ready, no meds would stop her. 

Next up was Terbutaline.  It made my heartrate increase and I had the shakes...on top of being nauseous and having contractions.  Ali was a little fighter and I kept increasing in strength of contractions.  I thought at that point they'd let me deliver, but I guess my doctor's partner was determined to NOT let that happen.  After that didn't work they were going to start giving combinations of meds.  Nubain and phenergan were next and within minutes I passed out.  This was probably close to 11pm.  I was in and out of consciousness for the next few hours and was still having strong contractions, but by 2 am they had dropped to 4 an hour and the nurse unhooked me from monitors and I was officially done laboring. 

It took until about mid-morning the next day to get to the point that I could keep my eyes open to have a conversation, and by then I was having small contractions a couple of times an hour, which happens daily for me.  JM and I were really disappointed.  We had gotten so excited when the meds weren't working and we thought we were having her.  But I guess either her or my body wasn't totally ready so they both get some more time to prepare.

My urine test while we were in the hospital showed that the protein was less than the preeclampsia level.  It also turns out my doctor's partner didn't know I was preeclamptic to begin with.  I have to wonder if she would've let me deliver had she known that...but oh well.  When I discussed the low protein count with my doctor yesterday she said that I am still preeclamptic (you aren't suddenly NOT preeclamptic) but it's being controlled with bedrest.  She also has absolutely no desire to get Ali out any earlier so it's up to Ali to make an earlier appearance.

Side note, not sure if I've mentioned this but we have been scheduled for induction.  We will be admitted to the hospital Saturday, Sept. 11th at 7 pm.  At that time they'll put the tablet cream on my cervix to thin and dilate it, then they'll start the pitocin on Sunday morning with expected delivery that day, the 12th. 

We also had an ultrasound yesterday.  Again, we got a little excited because the tech couldn't find much amniotic fluid.  While this isn't a good thing, it means they'll induce you right away.  Of course, she finally found a big pocket under my left ribcage.  This now explains why her movement has been giving me so much pain...there's very very little amniotic fluid anywhere else so everytime she moves there's no buffer between her and I.  She has what she needs in that pocket, but I don't!  She's in position and all of that, but that's never been a problem.  She is, however, kind of out of room!  Her head is so far into my pelvis that on the ultrasound we were only able to see her lips and bit of her nose.  Her butt is just under my right ribcage and her little feet are in my left ribs.  They think she's weighing about 7 pounds 7 ounces, which is an appropriate gain from our last ultrasound.  Her bladder is incredibly full, too, which was hilarious.  Poor little thing is going to come out with her legs crossed if she keeps trying to hold it in! 

After we had the ultrasound we met with the doctor for our weekly appointment.  Not a whole lot to note there except my blood pressure was 154/108.  You can tell she's getting frustrated (as are we) because if I was having ANY symptoms, they could induce me.  But I'm not having anything...at all.  She said yesterday she thinks that the high blood pressure isn't being caused by preeclampsia so she went ahead and started me on blood pressure medicine for the rest of the pregnancy.  And before everyone starts telling me to relax and all of that...this high blood pressure isn't being caused continuously by anything I'm doing or feeling.  This is just my body's reaction to the baby.  Bedrest is meant to help take the pressure off my vena cava and increase blood flow, therefore decreasing blood pressure, but the bedrest is obviously not helping with my blood pressure, just the preeclampsia. 

With the high blood pressure, I had to do another 24 hour urine.  There's really nothing new to find on it, it's more routine now than anything just to make sure bedrest is still keeping the preeclampsia under control.

Today I had another NST which took FOREVER.  I am incredibly tired and I think Ali is, too.  Her heartrate was steady and she was moving, but they want to see increases and decreases in her heartrate and she was not cooperating.  After an hour (yes, an hour), the triage nurse gave me some apple juice to try to get Ali to react more.  Another 20 minutes later, no change (since I don't drink juice with the gestational diabetes, it usually makes her jump up and run around in there).  They decided to do a biophysical profile and put all the orders in.  About 10 minutes later I hear the the high risk delivery team get to the triage desk and suddenly Ali is partying hard.  I heard Dr. Dungy ask the nurse if it's bed 2 that they're there for, then they all laughed at seeing her monitor and they cancelled the test.  Silly little Ali.  At least she acted up before they got in the room and I was charged! 

So now we're back to waiting.  JM and I did go out for lunch yesterday at Tijuana Flats (yum!!!) and both tried some of their 'death notice' hot sauce.  No contractions, but some very sick bellies.  Another side note, if you live in Indy, check out Sullivan Hardware's mums.  They're only 6.99 for an 8 inch pot but they are HUGE and beautiful.  We went there after the doctor's visit to get a bush to plant in our back bed...it was the anniversary of the miscarriage and we wanted to do something for it.  The mums were an exciting surprise. 

We have another NST Saturday morning, doctor's appointment Tuesday, NST Wednesday, then induction on Saturday!  Yay!!!

Let the bedrest begin

We had a busy day at the doctor's office and hospital today.  Wednesday and Saturday are the days I have my NST's done.  So far they've been pretty uneventful, which is good.  I show a lot of contractions but no more than 6 an hour which is when you need to do something about them.  This past Saturday I had an increased amount and it was a doctor that's not mine on call and she had the nurse check to see if I was dilated.  I wasn't, but the cervix was thinned.  After talking to my doctor today she said that's a good thing and should be happening at this point in the pregnancy.  My blood pressure was high at the beginning of this NST so the nurse cycled it a few times during the appointment and it normalized.  But since it was a doctor who wasn't familiar with me on call, she ordered ANOTHER 24 hour urine test for preeclampsia.  Because, really, who DOESN'T enjoy those?

Unfortunately, Monday evening I got a call after hours from my doctor's office (which is never good) in which they said I was heading towards preeclampsia and needed to go on bedrest immediately.  Of course I didn't get to talk to them and both the doctor and the nurse were going to be out on Tuesday.  So I called into work for Tuesday and took it easy with the idea we'd get clarification on everything at today's appointment.

JM and I thought today's NST might get a little interesting today because Ali did some major readjusting and I had a couple of harsh contractions with it, but turns out it was fine. I think she just knew she was being recorded and wanted us to notice her.

Then we went to our doctor's appointment.  Side note, our doctor will be in town for the birth, so we're thrilled.  She clarified that the bedrest is strict bedrest.  I don't have to lay down, but I shouldn't be up for much more time than to potty, shower or make myself a quick snack.  The way the message was left, I thought I was just 'threatening' preeclampsia, but the level of protein needs to be over 300 to be preeclamptic and I was in the 400's.  She said it's mild, severe cases are over 5000.  She was still planning on inducing us at 39 weeks, but we basically started begging.  I obviously don't want to have her before she's ready, but any time I'm on bedrest takes away from the time I get with her after she's born.  Plus, when I'm not at work, I don't get paid.  To have me laying/sitting on the couch for the next 4.5 weeks, not bringing in any money, and not taking care of a baby will really hurt us.  The doctor said she would look at the ultrasound we were having later and evaluate a few things and then let us know when she can induce.  I'm assuming she'll let us know at our appointment next week. 

After that we had our ultrasound.  The new nurse had me empty my bladder during the doctor's appointment so we couldn't get a good look at Ali's face.  She is head down but the ultrasound tech said we're not far enough along to guarantee she'll stay like that.  Every time the tech would get a glimpse of her face she'd turn and hide it in my pelvis.  The tech said she'll be a baby that likes to cuddle and sleep with something against her :-).  Her spine, abdomen, head and femur are all measuring about a week and a half ahead of time, which isn't all that big.  But, her weight should've been around 5.5 pounds at this point and it was 6.6.  The tech even said that means she's chubby.  Just what every parent wants to hear about their daughter.  Ali did have these little chubby chipmunk cheeks though, a lot like JM's. 

So now we wait.  My hope is that (as long as Ali's ok with it), they'll induce me when I'm technically full-term, which will be in 2.5 weeks.  It'll be a long 2.5 weeks, but better than the 4.5 we're currently looking at.  If you're in the area please feel free to stop by!  It's one of my first days and I'm already going crazy.  JM works most every evening so I'm especially bored then!

Bunnies bunnies bunnies

Actually, there are 4 babies that were born in our yard at some point yesterday. Most of you know that there is a neighborhood bunny that seems to have a pact with Kodi. Kodi chases it a little, then lays down and watches it eat in our yard. Obviously, she found this to be an invitation to come have her bunnies in our yard.

Last night, Kodi was laying outside for a very long time just enjoying his yard.  Then around 9:30 he starts barking and barking and barking.  I yell at him, he stops, then starts up again.  I go outside and can tell he's scared of something in the yard (his eyesight isn't great at night and anything he sees scares him) because he keeps leaning towards it, barking, then jumping back.  I saw brown/gray-ness and assumed one of our doves was injured in the yard so I grab Kodi and drag him inside.  All the while I'm freaking out...because that's what I do with injured animals.  Luckily JM came home shortly after and I made him go check it out (poor guy had been working outside for about 9 hours and came home to a possible dead animal in the yard that he had to take care of RIGHT NOW).  He comes back in laughing saying, "well, it's not dead..."

Yep, 4 baby bunnies in a nest.  I have a feeling Kodi didn't even notice them till Momma came for the nightly feeding.  Or, she came to deliver them and it was her he was barking at.  Either way, when I got out there this morning I couldn't find any trace of them, just some dead grass.  So I stupidly let Kodi out and he sticks his big nose right into the dead grass which turned out to be a pretty decent hole...with bunnies in it.  I had to drag him back inside (keep in mind, while I do all this, I'm waddling) and then make JM go back out and fix the nest covering that Kodi messed up.  He checked and all 4 bunnies were alive and accounted for, but still new enough they don't have their eyes open.

Kodi has never been a dog to jump over or into anything.  When he was a puppy he used to get out of his gated area in my apartment by climbing the baby gate.  JM couldn't find any garden fencing last night when I sent him out at 11 pm (what a guy), but when I went to Menards today I lucked out that they had (albeit very tacky) garden fencing on clearance for $2.  I bought 2 rolls of it and this is what I "built". 

It's hard to see, but I have it open to our fence because I know Momma can get in and out through there (and the neighbor doesn't have a dog).  I also left it open to the tree because that's the tree Momma likes to hide in.  I took Kodi out and the fence is high enough to make it more of a hassle for him than he chooses to make, but it's wide enough that Momma can get between it or at least over it.  I know the babies are little enough to get out.  That big brown spot in the bottom left of the picture is the nest.

After setting up 40 feet of this fencing, I was soaked.  The heat index is currently 102 degrees and the sun is boiling. There was a little opening in the dead grass above the nest and I could see the babies squirming. So I put our lightweight tarp over it with the front and back open so that the breeze would still get through but block the sun. I'll take it down when the temperature goes down and before Momma comes back for feeding time. Let's hope it works!

Ali's 7/21/10 Ultrasound

Here's some pictures from our little baby's 31 week ultrasound.

This is her face, she's laying on her left side looking at the camera.


The squiggly lines show all her hair...which the US tech said she has quite a bit of (yay)!!!


The bottom of her her foot.


And here's her fist. She already knows how to make a correct fist, that's her thumb sticking up in the air.

The patient always knows their body better...

Well, as long as they are in the right frame of mind, that is!

But this has always been my thinking. The patient knows their body better than anyone else. I proved it right this week :-)

On Monday I had to call in my glucose levels. Keep in mind I had only started doing this the previous Friday so there was still quite a bit of trial and error, as well as a lot of me 'thinking' there weren't many carbs in the spaghetti bake that JM made and having my glucose go up to 185. Whoops.

Anyways, I was able to control all of the numbers with my diet. My fasting numbers from first thing in the morning were a tad high, but we're talking 91-92 when they're supposed to be under 90. I didn't think this was such a huge deal.

Wednesday one of the nurses call to go over my numbers and she tells me that my morning number is high so they want to put me on nighttime insulin shots. Now, if this were the absolute best thing for Ali, I would do it in a heartbeat. But I know myself and I know my body and I KNOW I can control this with diet (I also don't think 1-2 points higher than my goal is worth insulin, but that's besides the point). I explained to the nurse that first of all, I didn't realize that I HAD to eat the correct nighttime snack (and enough of it) or my numbers would be high in the morning. I had thought by skimping on that snack, it would help. So I asked if I could have a few more days to see if I could control the numbers myself. She responded sure, then asked if I could come in the next day to learn the insulin shots.

Ummmm....no. I was very upfront with her and explained (again) that if I really thought I couldn't do this or if my numbers weren't improving, I would have no problem taking the insulin. But, give me a chance! She finally reluctantly agreed but you could tell that she didn't believe me for a second.

Since then, none of my morning numbers have been higher than 87. So there. Not to teach everyone to be that pain in the you-know-what patient, but if you have doubts, be your own advocate.

New background to match

I found a background that matches the colors in Ali's room! Very exciting afternoon. Although it took forever, I also figured out how to post the pregnancy ticker (last post) which will show you how big she is at what point. We're getting closer!!!

Baby Update

I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes last week.  It really doesn't seem to be that big of a deal, it's more involved for me and doesn't seem to affect Ali all that much.  I go to the diabetes management center this afternoon to get all the stuff and will start tracking my blood sugars daily then fax it to the center every week.  As long as I can keep it managed with diet, we'll just keep this up till she's born.  If it doesn't respond to diet, then we'll have to look into insulin shots, etc. 

 

Gestational diabetes goes away after the baby is born, although more than likely I will have it again with the next pregancy and I'll have a slightly higher risk for Type 2 diabetes later in life.  But I was already at that risk due to family history so no biggie there.

 

What happens with gestational diabetes is that the placenta absorbs the insulin my pancreas produces and prevents it from being distributed in my body.  The placenta then gives all that insulin to Ali, which is why gestational diabetes babies are bigger.  I did have an ultrasound yesterday (at 31 weeks) and her head is measuring 31 weeks, her abdomen and thigh bones were measuring 32...so her frame isn't that much bigger than you'd expect.  But, her weight should be around 3.5 pounds and she's 4.3.  My doctor said that they are going to plan on inducing me before my due date because she doesn't want the shoulders getting too big and we get into the problem of the head coming out, but the shoulders getting stuck.  How early is going to be determined mainly by how much weight Ali gains, how big her shoulders get, how well the diabetes is controlled, and if I become pre-eclamptic. 

 

The ultrasound was exciting, she has a lot of hair (I did when I was born) and her face no longer looked like a skeleton, it looked just like a baby picture!  We think so far she has JM's cheeks and my jawbone structure. 

 

Along with the gestational diabetes, Ali and I will be monitored more often until she's born.  I will have ultrasounds done every 3-4 weeks (which I'm perfectly happy with) and then starting in August I'll go to the hospital twice a week for nonstress tests.  We had one done a few weeks ago, I just get hooked up to monitors and we listen to her heartbeat for an hour or so...which I'm perfectly fine with as well...I love hearing that sound! 

 

Another side note, my doctor said to be prepared because the hospital has a policy that all gestational diabetes babies get put in the NICU for observation after birth.  She said they haven't been as strict with that lately, but just in case they do it, it's their policy, not necessarily that they think something's wrong.

 

So that's the update for now!  A lot going on, but she's coming sooner than we thought AND I'm happy with being monitored more!!!

Flooding

JM and I recently learned a technique that I feel, if used correctly, could make a huge difference in many marriages and relationships. 

We met with the small groups minister at our church who enjoys counseling marriage issues.  Before the baby is born, there are things that I was hoping to at least get started working on in our relationship.  I know arguments are inevitable and we are going to disagree, but I wanted to learn how to communicate better during those times.  We seem to have arguments and nothing is ever resolved.  It's like we just get tired of arguing and brush it under the rug.  Unfortunately, by using this tactic, that stuff hidden under the rug always seems to make its way out at a later point in time. 

I know that whatever our children grow up seeing in our relationship is what they are going to think is normal, and in turn is what they will expect out of their own relationships when they reach adulthood.  I never want to think of my little girl in a relationship that's verbally abusive, or one where yelling or swearing at each other is how they communicate, or going in and out of relationships because divorce is easier than dealing with the problem...all because that's what she saw growing up.  I feel that if she sees that her parents do argue, but they find resolution in it and treat each other with respect during it, she will seek the same thing in life.  If she grows up knowing that divorce isn't an option and that you should never settle for a mediocre life, but instead work hard at improving your relationship, which also means working on yourself, then that is what she'll work to attain.

Please keep in mind that JM and I do not have a verbally abusive relationship where we swear and yell at each other.  Nor are we heading down that road.  I'm just trying to be proactive.  Our lives are hectic enough right now trying to work multiple jobs and overtime to make ends meet.  Add a baby into it, and there's going to be less time to work on us.  My hope is that if we start working on 'us' now, by the time she enters our lives, working to improve our relationship will be something we do automatically and on a consistent basis. 

But I digress.  The minister we met with had many amazing suggestions and gave us each a different book to read that he thought would benefit us.  There is one idea that he shared with us that he and his wife use.  Keep in mind, I do not know the book this comes from or where the research was done or any specifics.  I'm telling this from what I heard him say, so it's also being told from a woman's point of view.  Regardless, I think it could help many couples.  JM and I are working on making it part of our relationship.  In theory, it sounds like it will work great, but it's a concept that's much easier said than done.

The concept is called "flooding".  A researcher did a study where he hooked couples up to machines and measured blood pressure, heart rate, etc.  He found that during an argument, there is a point where all of your vital signs increased...a point in which he called flooding.  Once flooding was reach, tempers flared and things were said that the couples felt badly about later.  He also found that after flooding was reached, it took anywhere from 30-60 minutes for vital signs to return to normal.  As you can imagine, during an argument, there is no downtime to let your vitals return to normal, making a resolution very difficult for a couple to obtain. 

Going on with this idea, men and women are different...plain and simple.  Let's take women for example.  During an argument, flooding will tend to make them sharp as a tack.  They know exactly what to say and what jabs to throw and just what to do to get their point across.  To show my personal experiences, when I reach this flooding point, I could argue any lawyer into a corner and make him cry.  I am by no means proud of that, especially when I see what it does to my spouse when he's left speechless or his temper shows because I've driven him to it, but it's what happens. 

Women also absolutely need to have closure in an argument.  We need to know what has been resolved to make this argument worth it...in other words, what did we learn from this?  Leaving an argument unresolved will eat away at us.  We can't sleep and will continue to get more and more angry the longer the argument is left unresolved...which will inevitably lead to another argument.

Men, on the other hand, are the complete opposite.  When they reach the flooding stage, they seem to lose all communication skills.  The woman has become sharper and the man can't keep up.  He's trying to come up with his next sentence but she's throwing words at him and he has to tune her out to find what it is he wants to say.  All men want to do is go to their 'cave' and make the argument go away.  If you've read "Men are from Mars...", you know exactly what I'm talking about.  Also, if men let themselves stay in the argument and reach the flooding stage, their temper will surface, which is when they say things that will make the situation much worse because they're feeling threatened and aren't being allowed enough time to think about what it is they actually want to say. 

So here is the compromise that the minister and his wife have developed using flooding.  An argument or disagreement arises, as will happen.  She's becoming sharper and wanting a resolution.  He starts to feel himself 'flood'.  He can tell his vital signs are increasing, he's on the verge of becoming angry and not able to think straight.  He states, "I'm feeling flooded".  This is where the compromise comes in, and both parties need to fulfill their portion for this to work.

After he states he's feeling flooded, the argument and the wife need to stop.  This is very hard for the wife, as she wants a result now.  This is a huge compromise on the woman's part.  She doesn't want to wait for him to get his head on straight...she can finish this now, why can't he?  But, it's part of the deal that's been made.  She stops.  The husband has already made a huge step by controlling his anger and emotions and instead of letting them get the best of him, he admits that he needs a break and claims flooding. 

But, for this to work, many other things need to happen.  After he states he's feeling flooded, he also needs to tell her an exact time in which they will revisit the subject.  It should be at least 30-60 minutes from then to let them both return to their normal state of minds.  He can say that they'll come back to this in an hour, after he gets home from work, after the kids go to bed....you get the picture.  But, HE HAS TO GIVE A TIME.  Otherwise, the woman feels like he's just trying to get out of the argument.  She feels he 'claimed flooding' because he just wants to go to bed or watch the game, and that will cause the woman to feel unloved and taken advantage of.  We all know that if she's left to feel this way...there will be another argument or she won't be able to recover from her flood and her anger will continue to rise, which doesn't help the situation. 

After he has stated he's feeling flooded and would like to discuss this at an exact time, he needs to leave the situation.  I'm not saying he needs to go to a hotel or anything drastic like that.  But he needs to leave the room.  If they're getting ready for bed, he cannot continue to lay there read his book.  For one thing, he's showing his wife that he's not thinking over what happened and focusing on what he needs to say and do.  She feels that he's literally just trying to cop out of the argument.  He didn't feel like arguing right now, so he's claiming flooding so she'll shut up and he can go on doing what he was doing.  This will not work.  She needs to feel that he loves her enough to take this seriously and hold up his end of the bargain.  He needs to go to another room, go for a walk, whatever will help him focus on what he would like to say.  By staying in the same room, the woman isn't being allowed time to recover AND the husband is testing out her self-control.  Remember, she still desperately wants to continue this and come to a conclusion.  She has shown a huge commitment to him and his needs by stepping back when he claims flooding.  Do not test her ability to continue that by sitting there reading in front of her.  He needs to respect what she feels she is giving up to let him recover and step away. 

He also needs to spend that time calming himself and finding the words to continue the discussion in a civilized manner.  If she's read "Men are from Mars...", she understands that by going to his cave he may need to watch tv for a bit or play a video game to calm down.  It's hard for her because she's still sitting there incomplete and hurting, but she's accepting he needs to do this and she puts his needs before her own.  But if she finds that he's been playing the game or watching tv, has not thought things through himself, or just fails to return to the subject...you guessed it...another argument. 

And let's be honest, if any of the above things have happened, she isn't going to respect his 'flooding' claim the next time because she feels he has shown her that he is not taking her, the argument, or their relationship seriously.  She feels he is only showing that he is continuing to put his own wants ahead of her and their relationship.

Men also need to understand that although this flooding claim was created to allow him time to calm himself and find his own words, it also works to his advantage.  From experience, I can tell you that if I'm removed from the argument for 30-60 minutes and I TRUST that JM will return to discuss the topic, I ease up.  My vitals are given a chance to return to normal and I'm able to see the topic more clearly as well.  So when JM comes back to finish discussing, he's not dealing with the same angry person he was dealing with at the time.  I've calmed and looked at more sides to the subject, therefore I will be much more willing to listen to what he has to say and how he feels, rather than continue my attack because I'm quicker on my feet. 

But, again, I have to have been told a time and TRUST in him that he will return to the subject.  Just as he needs to be able to TRUST that when he tells me he's feeling flooded, I stop.

I'm sure any man reading this will think, "Typical woman wrote this because it's all about what the MAN needs to do".  But that's the point.  Most women can argue a topic for hours and be sharp and on the ball the whole time.  Most men cannot.  This has been created so the man has the same opportunity to share his point or feelings.  By using this, he just gets extra time to think about it without his wife repeating her points and not allowing him to think clearly regarding what he wants to say.  And trust me, shutting up mid-argument is harder for a woman than any man could imagine :-)

Just another manic Monday

I need to learn to not work on Mondays anymore.  I go through this every stinking week.  I'm not sure if it's really more of a pain or if any day you start your work week is like this, but I'm willing to try something new!

 

I have a patient today who is one of the resident's wife.  Keep in mind we probably have hundreds of residents at this hospital, so that doesn't make you any more special than any of my other patients.  There was a whole big issue about how her treatments were ordered every 4 hours but she wanted them every 5 hours and yesterday the RT catered to that.  I don't have the time for that today.  I explained to her that she could have her treatment at the time I was in the room (which was 4 hours from her last treatment), or I could go do the rest of my first rounds and try to make it back to her afterwards, but I couldn't guarantee her that it would be exactly 5 hours from her last treatment.  She wasn't thrilled, but she didn't seem to upset by it (she is obviously one of those girls that are used to getting her way though, she gave me one of those looks like "How can you not be doing exactly what I want you to do???")  I get a call later from the head nurse of the unit who is enraged because this patient is saying that she came out of the shower and I walked in the room for her treatment.  She asked me if I could wait a minute while she got dressed and I said no and stormed out of the room.  It was almost humorous how incredibly falsified her story was. 

 

But it gets better.  She then calls her husband, the resident, who is in surgery at the time.  He leaves surgery and goes to my department to speak with my supervisor.  Seriously?  Luckily, without even knowing my side of the story they backed me up but the patient did request that I not be allowed in her room again.  Fine by me.  I don't think I could have handled seeing her again.  It did make me feel horrible though that someone else had to take her and deal with her for the rest of the day.

 

On a lighter note, we picked out the nursery furniture yesterday!  Here's the link if you want to check it out, it's the second set, the Isabella.

http://www.buybuybaby.com/babyFurnitureSets1.asp?

I had narrowed it down to about 5 sets and we went back to finalize the decision and this set had been put on clearance because it was discontinued.  Made that decision much easier!

 

I'm going to go back to work and try to survive the next hour.  Actually, I'm just going to sit back and feel Alice playing around and get lost in my own little world :-)

Day of Alice

I'll start off by saying that EVERYTHING IS FINE.  She's still as perfect as can be and I'm...well, we all know I'm perfect ;-)  I know JM was updating people with bits and pieces here and there, so I thought I'd get the whole story out so everyone's on the same page!

Side note, for those who don't know, we have decided on a name.  We're naming her after JM's grandmother and my great grandmother, so it's Alice Violet.  Her nickname is after a girl who is very dear to me, so we've been calling her Ali.

Baby girl did get to have some attention today, though.  Late last week I was having some sharp little pains while I was at work.  To be honest, I didn't think a whole lot of them.  I worked overtime 2 weeks straight and I figured Ali was just telling me that she didn't appreciate 96 hours of me being on my feet in 2 weeks.  (I did try to explain to her that she would appreciate it when she had diapers to wear, etc.).  They came back occasionally during the long weekend, but then I felt them again yesterday while I was at work.  I knew they weren't contractions because I get those 'dehydration cramps' (that's what I call them at least), but they are more like little sharp pricks.  My personal opinion was that they were 'growing pains'.  My ligaments are stretching and growing and I figured that was what was happening.  That considered, I work the next 2 days and 'given my history', I decided to call the doctor's office today just to hear them tell me that it's growing pains and totally normal at this point in the pregnancy.

I called this morning and told them what was going on, then they asked if I've felt the baby moving lately.  I hadn't, which is ok at this point in the pregnancy (24 weeks).  The books even say you can go days without feeling them at this point because their movement is unorganized and sporadic.  This must have set off some alarm with the nurse because she had me come straight into the hospital and be admitted for an NST.

Of course, on the way there I had to google 'NST' and learned that it's a Non Stress Test for the baby.  The point of it is to see if there are any drops in heart rate or changes in movement to indicate a possibly oxygenation issue (such as the placenta is pushing against the baby or the umbilical cord is around the neck).  It also said that these tests aren't done until 28 weeks because the movement of the baby before that is too unpredictable, so I was a little confused.

We arrived at the hospital and were admitted and taken to the labor and delivery triage.  Our nurse ended up being a girl I played softball with in high school.  She questioned why they were doing this test and let us know that more than likely, it wouldn't show anything, it was just too early for that kind of test.  But she hooked me up anyways and we monitored Ali's heartbeat and movement for 30 minutes.  I had to click a button every time I felt her move...and man, was she going nuts.  Some of her kicks were so loud on the monitor that JM jumped!  Not sure what got into the little girl, but she was definitely making her presence known.

After the 30 minutes, Krystal (our nurse) came in and rearranged the monitor on my belly and took my pulse.  I figured she must have noticed something, and sure enough we heard her on the phone with my doctor saying that the heart rate dropped from where it was holding steady (140-ish) to the 80's for over 2 minutes.  She had taken my pulse to make sure that the machine hadn't just picked up my heartbeat for some reason, but mine was in the 90's.  Krystal told us later that you can expect drops for even up to a minute, but 2 minutes was something that we might as well get checked out since we were there. 

My doctor had a high risk delivery team sent over (which took about 2 hours...I'm still very sore for being hooked up and not moving for that long!!!), but it was worth it.  First the high risk delivery tech came in and did a VERY detailed ultrasound.  She even checked the blood flow in all parts of the baby and everything was perfect.  The umbilical cord was in the appropriate place and flowing correctly.  She even showed us that if there was any doubt before that it was definitely a girl, it was a sure thing now.  Then the high risk delivery doctor came in and went through a brief ultrasound with us and checked everything out.  She was so sweet, she kept saying everything was 'perfect' and looked 'awesome'.  She was one of those people who hummed, but it was a lullaby type song and it was so incredibly soothing!  Then she even told us to have a blessed day, which I always like. 

We did get a better look at Ali's face, and although I'm sure I'm biased, I have to say, she is awfully pretty already :-)

But in the end, they could not find any reason for the decel (heart rate drop) or for my pains.  My personal opinion now is that it's either growing pains, or she just moves so much she's pressing up against other parts of me and I'm feeling the repercussions.  She did not stop moving once during the ultrasound, they even mentioned again how active she is for this age.

Speaking of where she stands, she is measuring 1 lb 11 oz.  According to the books she should be 1 lb 6 oz now.  Obviously she's my daughter, overachieving already ;-)  It even puts her in the 90th percentile for size!  Yikes!!!  Everything they measured showed that she's measuring 25-26 weeks, but my due date is staying the same since babies grow at different rates, she may slow down in a couple of weeks. 

That was our day in a nutshell.  We got a few more pictures of her to put on the fridge and the reassurance that everything's fine and me working so much isn't harmful for her yet.  We were starving and stopped at Costco for shopping and lunch.  Side note, if you want a REALLY good ice cream treat, try the $1.50 hand dipped ice cream bar at Costco's food court.  Amazing.  They'll even dip it in a nut mixture if you want.  My belly was so happy!  I even got JM to go to the pool with me (and get rained on for a few minutes) to stretch out my back and let my belly relax. 

I'm off to walk the dog and go to bed early.  I work the next 2 days :-(  Hope everyone had a good hump day!

Ultrasound pics

It's going to be a girl!!!

We went for our ultrasound on Wednesday to get all the measurements and find out the sex of the baby.  Everything is measuring right on track.  The legs are a little long, putting her a little ahead of schedule, but JM and I are both tall so that was to be expected.  Other than that, she's right on time and developing perfectly!  After the first couple of minutes she became very uncooperative and the tech was very frustrated trying to get the measurements.  It took forever (at least it seemed), but all measurements were done and the gender was even determined. 

I was completely positive it was a boy and JM felt the same way it was a girl.  Halfway through the ultrasound the tech just puts on the screen "It's a girl!!!"  I was floored!  I even made her prove it to me!  (Yes, I was that annoying patient).  I asked if they just look for an absence of a penis or is there a way to actually tell.  She said there are three lines for the labia if it's a girl, and there are obviously 3 lines and no penis.  For the first time in our relationship, JM was right and I was wrong ;-)  I'm just hoping she doesn't have any gender identity issues because I've been calling her "he" this whole time!

We even had a bet on the sex and if JM won, we have to go to a Cubs game this summer.  I'm still looking for a way out of that.  I personally think being pregnant and sitting in a car for 3 hours each way AND sitting at a game where everyone else is drunk should be enough of a reason, but we'll see if it holds up :-)

Click on the title of the post and it takes you to the album.

A very missed due date

Tomorrow is the day of the missed baby's due date.  I was kind of hoping I would've forgotten the actual date by the time it came around, but those kind of dates stick with you it seems.  Of course I forget the date we found out we were pregnant, the date we told people...but by golly I remember the date I miscarried, the missed due date, all of those things. 

The daffodils we planted helped a lot through the earlier part of this month.  I knew the date was approaching and then the woman at work's daughter in law had the baby and that daffodil (that one solitary bloom) kept making me smile.  Unfortunately, it's done blooming now so I feel like there's  nothing really to hold on to.  I know JM feels it too, but goodness, men handle things a lot differently than women. 

I decided to take tomorrow off work.  Not so much because I knew I'd be sad or anything like that.  More for the fact that I want to remember.  I don't want to spend the day busy at work and then get home, pass out, and wake up the next morning realizing I didn't cherish the day in any way.  Granted, I have no idea how I'm going to do that, but I have the whole day to figure it out.  My mom is going to take the day off as well, so we can come up with something together.  Tomorrow night is a "new mom's" presale at an upscale consignment sale so we'll go to that.  Maybe head down to Edinburgh to the maternity clothes outlet and see if I can find anything to wear for the summer.  But whatever we decide to do, my missed baby will be always be in my heart.

18 Week Check Up

Wonderfully, nothing new going on here :-)  We went to the doctor today for a routine 4 week check up and everything seems on schedule.  We were able to hear the heartbeat again, it gets a little louder each time.  I think the baby was moving around a lot today because it took the doctor a minute (what seemed like an hour) to find the heartbeat and even then it was soft.  She said that has a lot to do with how active they are.  We had a lot of questions this week, which we hadn't before.  The further along we get and the more real it is, the more I want to know!  Sushi is still out unless it's california rolls or stuff like that.  Thing is, I know they don't wash the cutting boards and knives in between rolls when they're making sushi, so the contamination is still present.  Wine is ok as long as it's not a bottle a day ;-)  Darn!  Kidding. 

Like the title says, we're 18 weeks along now.  I started feeling the baby move almost 2 weeks ago.  It took about a week before I realized it wasn't just gas, ha ha.  The feeling isn't regular yet, but it's definitely there.

The highlight of the appointment was being told we can come back in 1-2 weeks for the ultrasound and we were able to get an appontment next Wednesday afternoon!  We are so excited!!!  We'll take a DVD so we can show everyone afterwards.  Oddly enough, that's Mom's birthday so telling her the sex will be her birthday present!

Hope everyone's doing well...that's the update on our sweet potato sized Ladi this week!

4/1/10 Update

Today I realized I should probably tell my doctor's office about my fall at work on Sunday.  I called and told the receptionist, then later on I received a call from the nurse saying the doctor would like to see me just to check me out herself.  I was in the area running some errands so I stopped in.

Not only did they find the heartbeat...they found 3.  Yep, triplets. 



APRIL FOOLS.

Being the clutz that I am...

This morning at work I was going about my business and feeling pretty good (the vomiting hit BEFORE I went to work this morning so I didn't need to take any breaks at work!) when I went into the breakroom to grab my yogurt.  Turns out the floor was just mopped and no sign had been put up and I slipped and fell in a decent amount of water.  I banged up my left arm by wrapping it through a chair to try to catch myself and scraped up my right knee when I fell because catching myself didn't work.

I went down to see my supervisor solely to ask for a bandaid and after talking to a few people it was decided that it would be in my best interest to go to the ER due to the pregnancy.  I almost didn't go because, let's face it, who wants to go to an ER and say they fell down?  But then I thought of all the things that could've happened, placenta tear, etc., and figured I might as well go while I'm at work.  What if I got home and then there was bleeding?  Then I'd have to go to an ER and pay!

Anyways, I get to the ER where the nurse was so sweet and so concerned (she kept saying she's a grandma and grandma's worry!).  She bandaged up my knee and the doctor came in to tell me I had a bone contusion...just a bone bruise, but it sounds better.  Then she tried to find Ladi's heartrate with a Doppler.  She tried and tried and just couldn't find it.  I wasn't too worried, she mentioned many times that she's an adult ER nurse and she has a VERY hard time finding babies' heartrates, especially early on in the pregnancy.  After a lot of looking, she transferred me up to OB to have them find it.  The nurse up there couldn't find it with the small Doppler, so I did start to worry just a bit by now.  But then she brought in a larger area Doppler (no comments about how my belly needed a larger surface, please) and she was able to hear it.  Turns out the reason they had trouble finding it today was because Ladi's heartbeat is hiding behind one of my arteries.  Therefore, every time the Doppler would cross that area we couldn't hear Ladi's little whisper because of my big glub glub!

So the heartbeat was found and they sent me back to the ER to be discharged.  Before that happened, they asked me if I knew if I was Rh negative or positive.  Of course my doctor tested me, but I had no idea what the result was!  I was assuming it was the 'good one' to be because no one mentioned me needing any shots later on.  The ER doctor wanted to be a little more sure than my assumption, so I had to get labwork done to verify.  Turns out the fall would cause my body to make antibodies and if I was Rh negative, those antibodies would hurt the baby.  They didn't want me to go back to work in case this was the situation so I got to sit in a freezing cold side room for over an hour while the lab ran my blood.  The check in lady was very sweet though and got me a warm blanket. 

Finally, the results came back and everything looked great.  Even turns out the blood tyep I always thought I have is wrong!  I always thought I was O (no idea why, maybe because my last name started with an O???) and it's really B.  I was able to go back to work after a little 3 hour hiatus, but it was worth it to put my mind at ease AND I got to hear the heartbeat again!!!

Remembering

With all the excitement of our pregnancy progressing, I haven't had much time to dwell on our 'missed baby'.  I've been so focused on this pregnancy that I found myself pulled out of my depressed state without even knowing it happened.  But in the last few days I've been reminded and it feels like a wound was reopened.  No where near the pain of the fresh wound, but this nagging ache of something that won't heal. 

A co-worker's daughter-in-law is due within days of what would've been my due date.  When I first found out we were pregnant, she and I had discussions and shared excitement.  The other day I heard her mention that her daughter-in-law could go into labor any day now.  The memory of the miscarriage hit me like a ton of bricks.  Our current pregnancy was blessing me with a wonderful ignorance of what time of year it was and what's coming up..my missed due date.  I don't even know how to describe it.  I'm so thankful for this pregnancy and feel blessed with our miracle, but at the same time, knowing that April 22nd is approaching hurts my heart. 

The daffodils JM and I planted last fall in memory of the baby have come up.  One has a bud which hasn't bloomed yet.  I'll share a picture of it when it does decide to bloom.  The other 2 have grown but there aren't blooms.  I have a feeling the resident bunny made a midnight snack out of them.  I don't mind, as long as she left 1, I'm content.  I love that we planted them outside of our bedroom window.  Every morning I open the drapes and they are the first thing I see.  It turned out to be a great way to keep our baby's memory alive. 

I find myself calling it our 'missed baby' now.  After I returned home from Florida, JM and I went to the doctor and the nurse said, "So I see you had a missed baby".  That felt like the perfect word for so many reasons.  The word 'miscarriage' hurts too badly to say, and after you've had one, it's too common of a word in your vocabulary.  But 'missed'...that's exactly what it was.  I missed it.  Emotionally, physically, any way you could imagine.  I just missed it.  Even now, when we have everything we could have ever dreamed and it is all going so smoothly, I miss it. 

Anyways, there's my sad note for the day.  Didn't mean to be Debbie Downer, but somedays the pain comes back and this is my release.  Well, wine is usually my release but that's out of the question for now :-)

140

I finally woke up after a long nap to blog about our doctor's appointment this morning.  Not sure if it's just the excitement of the visit, but every time we go to the doctor I have to take a nap afterwards!

Today was our 4 week routine visit.  For those of you who aren't keeping track (I just figure everyone is obsessing over it!), we are in the middle of the 14th week and officially in the second trimester (and Ladi is the size of a lemon).  My mom was able to join us at this appointment so it was great to have someone else hear our little Ladi's presence!



My weight was still a tad lower than my pre-pregnancy weight, so I guess the vomiting isn't ALL bad ;-).  My blood pressure was normal and everything else looked good.  The doctor was able to find the heartbeat outside my belly with the Doppler ultrasound.  She had to look around for a minute, which obviously stopped MY heart for a minute, but as soon as she went to the left side we heard the little glub glub.  The heartrate was down to 140, so it seemed much slower than last time!  Side note, we do not believe old wives' tales so please don't tell us how that means it's a boy a girl.  You never realize how annoying that gets until you're pregnant!!!

Anyways, since she was able to hear the heartbeat with the Doppler I can officially stop taking the progesterone pills!  Yay!  The doctor thinks that's why I'm still vomiting.  Prometrium is incredibly hard on your stomach and she had the same problem when she took them.  (Therefore, we also do not believe the old wive's tale about nausea meaning it's a boy or girl...so that can stop, too!).  I admit, I'm nervous to stop taking them.  They've been like a safety net to me.  But, I have to keep reminding myself that the baby is doing great and has a nice, strong heartbeat. 

We were also given the estimated payment plan for the doctor's portion of the delivery (so much for the second trimester being the easiest!) and we start making those payments at the next appointment.  My initial reaction was that this stinks, but I'm sure we'll end up with other bills after the birth, so it will be nice to have this one out of the way while we have 2 incomes!  Side note, no, I'm not quiting my job after the baby.  I am, however, a supplemental employee which means no benefits and no PTO, so we will not have my income while I'm at home for 12 weeks. 

I had my blood retested to make sure the thyroid medicine is still at the correct dosage and we'll probably hear back about that in a few days, but it's not something I'm concerned about.  We go back April 21st (4 weeks from today) for another routine visit, and then we will go back 1-2 weeks after that for the big ultrasound and to find out the sex!!!  Yay!  6 weeks seems like it's going to be a long time, but hopefully it will go fast!  I'm so anxious to find out what it is and start buying buying buying!!!

Also, I think I'm officially out of normal sized clothing and into maternity.  From what I've read, this is about the time it happens, but I'm sure I'm showing a little more than normal since I had absolutely no ab muscles to begin with.  At least in maternity clothes I look pregnant and not just fat!  We're finding it so funny to see my belly grow and grow.  However, I still want to find a shirt that says, "I'm pregnant, not just fat!" 

Hope everyone's doing well.  I'm attempting to go back to my prenatal water aerobics class tonight after a 3 week hiatus.  My first week off was because my morning sickness was hitting at night, then the next week I had plans, then last week the horrible cold started that day.  I even bought a new maternity bathing suit to celebrate going back tonight!

Love Our Plums!

There's not much to report on the baby front, which is a good thing!  No unexpected doctor's visits...we haven't even had to call the office for anything!  4 weeks feels like a long time to wait between appointments, especially when the only symptoms of pregnancy are being tired and sick.  I feel more confident at this point and I'm becoming more confident in knowing my own body, so I'm fine with the waiting. 

Some of you already know, but the nausea became fairly intolerable at one point about 3 weeks ago.  Since then I've had good days and bad days, usually more bad than good.  JM was able to get my Zofran refilled at Costco so that's helped.  The vitamin B6 and Unisom didn't seem to do a whole lot other than knock me out.  Even half of a Unisom dose makes me incredibly groggy the next day, so I try not to take it too often.  Surprisingly enough, I haven't vomited since Friday night (and it's now Monday morning).  There have been a couple of bad nausea spells, but that's it.  Let's hope that means I'm moving out of this phase!  The drowsiness seems to have picked up in the last few days, but as long as I can get through the workday without falling asleep (or at least having no one notice I'm asleep) it's doable.

We turned 12 weeks yesterday and Ladi is now the size of a large, fresh plum.  There was a 'life-sized' picture in one of our books and the baby is about the length of my finger.  It amazes me that there's something growing inside me that size that's moving around, opening and closing it's mouth, even hiccuping, and I have absolutley no idea this is going on.  I can't wait until I can start feeling it!  Another thing that amazes me is that at this point, everything is done forming.  Now it's just 28 weeks of maturing and growing. 

I hope everyone had as nice as weather as we did over the weekend and were able to take advantage of it.  Friday I had lunch with some friends and then did a little window shopping at the outdoor mall.  After that JM and I took Kodi for a very big walk around the neighborhood while the cleaning ladies made our house respectable again.  Then we went to the mall to try to find maternity clothes...ended up being a very unproductive night.  The store in the mall closed, so we went to the Amish furniture store to look at gliders and they closed at 7 (it was 7:05).  We called it quits after that and ate dinner at Outback.  Saturday was so beautiful we took Kodi to Broad Ripple to walk around a different neighborhood.  Even stopped at The Three Dog Bakery to get Kodi a pupcake.  JM got the grill out and running that night and I grilled bratwurst to welcome in the warm weather.  Yesterday wasn't as pretty out, but still warm so we met up with Mom and her doggies at Ft. Ben and walked for about an hour.  The rain drizzled on us for a bit but we didn't melt.  We finished out the day with butterburgers and sundaes at Culver's.  By the time we got home I was so exhausted I got a shower and was in bed by 7:30!

Second routine doctor's appointment

Last Wednesday we went for our second routine doctor's appointment and I totally forgot to blog! I had to come home and take a nap afterwards, so that's my excuse.

The appointment didn't consist of much, which tends to be a good sign. Vitals were taken (turns out I've actually lost weight since we got pregnant...one good thing about the nausea and vomiting) and then the doctor told us about her policies and answered our questions. We'll go in for appointments every 4 weeks now until I'm about 28 weeks. At our next appointment (March 24th) we will be able to hear the heartbeat outside my tummy...should be very exciting!

We will find out the sex in an ultrasound between 18 and 20 weeks. I turned 11 weeks yesterday so we've still got a little ways. Right now Ladi is the size of a large lime :-)

That's about it for now. The nausea and vomiting are still a daily (at least once a day) occurence. I ran out of my Zofran and the doctor suggested taking Vitamin B6 and Unisom. Odd, but I'm desperate. I think we'll start trying that tonight.

Nothing Like Adding a Little Excitement to Your Day...

I've been having pretty intense pain in my left lower back since we found out I'm pregnant. I believed it was a kidney/bladder/etc. infection, but the doctor's office didn't look into it because I wasn't having any other symptoms. They were just attributing it to pregnancy pains and said those things would come and go.

Then the last couple of days I've had very cloudy urine (I know, TMI) and since I was finally off work yesterday I called and told them my symptoms. Since they don't want to give you unnecessary meds while you're pregnant the nurse asked me to come in for a dip stick test. In the meantime, JM came home before class to say hi so he decided to go with me. As I was getting ready, I suddenly noticed a little bleeding. I know it sounds ignorant, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. There wasn't much, but 'given my history', it scared the crap out of me.

I told the nurse about it when I went for the test and she said she thought it probably had to do with my bladder infection (yep, I had one, I wasn't crazy!), but since my doctor was out of town they wanted to be safe so they had me come in for another ultrasound in the afternoon. I love this new office. There was no, "stay on pelvic rest for a day and let us know if it continues", or "that's normal"...they said it was probably fine but let's to an ultrasound just to make sure. Love it! So proactive!!!

JM and I killed some time and then went back for the ultrasound and it was AMAZING! The baby has grown so much!!! These are the pictures from the last ultrasound. You can see the yolk sac is actually bigger than the baby, and you can't make out anything on the baby. The heartbeat is on the bottom of the one on the left and it was 127 bpm and rather small on the chart.

This week was an amazing difference. You can see the head and the profle of the face! (The baby is upside down in the pics and it's head is on the right, if it helps you to see it!) The yolk sac now is tiny and you can see the little leg buds! You can see the heartbeat on the second picture, which is now 178 bpm and off the chart in strength! When she turned the audio on it was actually loud! Then she turned on the infrared and whereas last time it was a little red beating for the heart, this time about half the baby was red with the heart and blood flow! Such a good little baby already :-)

In the end, we're blessed with everything being perfect with the baby. Ladi's measuring 8 weeks and 2 days, almost perfectly with where it should be. They put me on antibiotics for the bladder infection and everything is looking good! Next doctor's appointment is Wednesday at 10:45.

Big day ahead

Well, we survived. Today was the day the miscarriage happened last pregnancy. I called in to work to deal with it my own way. I became increasingly nervous and analyzing every little thing I felt on Wednesday night, and to be honest, I just didn't want to deal with that at work.

Therefore, I stayed home. I would've slept in if a certain cat had not found it necessary to attack my feet at 7 a.m. The brightside was that I was able to go to breakfast with Mom (breakfast out is my absolute favorite) at Bub's Cafe and devour a breakfast bowl thing. Yum.

After the devouring, obviously I had to come home and take a nap! JM returned home from class not long after I woke up and although it was frigid cold, we took advantage of the sun and took Kodi for a long walk together. We then just enjoyed each other's company and chilled on the couch watching episodes of some of our favorite sitcoms.

JM wanted to take care of dinner, so he went out and grabbed Papa John's ($10 for a large pizza up to 7 toppings...how could we not?!?) and we watched "Julie and Julia". It turned out to be a really cute movie, although I didn't like something in the end, which I won't say in case I ruin it for someone.

All in all, pretty good day. I'm about to go to bed because I no longer stay up past 9:30 and I'm tired! Plus, I'm so excited for tomorrow morning. In case you don't remember, it's the first prenatal appointment!!! God was good and helped make what I was scared was going to be a negative day into something beautiful. He gave me faith and hope and confidence to get through it and has helped to show me that our appointment tomorrow is going to be wonderful, and we'll see that our child is nothing less than perfect.

Side note, if this is your first pregnancy, please buy "What to Expect When You're Expecting". During our first pregnancy we bought "You're Pregnancy, Week by Week". "You're Pregnancy..." is a great book. It describes everything in immense detail and discusses anything and everything you would ever need to know. However, as one of my friends put it, after a miscarriage, you lose some of the pregnancy innocence that others are able to enjoy. When I have an abdominal cramp, I look in the index of the book and in "You're Pregnancy...", it discusses miscarriage, ectopic pregnancies, etc. Since it is written by a doctor, it seems to cover all the possibilities. But when you're 6 weeks along and have already had a miscarriage, the last thing you want to read is about ectopic pregnancies. When I looked in the index of "What to Expect..." it took me to a page that discussed how this is very common in the 4-6ish week of pregnancy and to make sure I discuss it with my doctor at my next visit. It even went on to say that if there is bleeding involved or it's severe cramping, this still could be normal but call your doctor today so they know what's going on. It's much more....soothing I guess is the word. The book is telling you that you're symptoms are probably fine but let's call the doctor so THEY KNOW. Not because the symptoms are a bad sign. They put everything in a positive light, kind of like a mom would :-). "Sweetie, that dress looks amazing, but let's have you try on the next bigger size just to make sure the sizing isn't weird in this line...definitely not because you gained weight!"

Off to bed so I can TRY to sleep before our big morning!!!

Every Moment a Blessing

A week and a half ago JM and I received a very welcome surprise. We've been trying for a baby since the miscarriage and had been so far unsuccessful. I truly didn't think we were pregnant this month. I had no symptoms and no heartburn like I did last time. I had 2 weeks off of work and the day I went back I was expecting to start my cycle. I got kinda bored at work (don't tell my supervisor) and bought a pregnancy test.

To my disbelief, there was a VERY faint line. I had JM come into work and he saw the line, too. We couldn't believe it (and were so apprehensively thrilled) so I took another test and this one was negative. It was only an hour or so after taking the first test, so I don't think I waited long enough. To be on the safe side, I called the doctor and they had me come in for bloodwork as soon as possible, "given my history" (I'm hearing that alot). Sure enough, the bloodwork was positive! To be proactive, the doctor started me on progesterone pills.

The first few days I was thrilled, thrilled, thrilled. Then the worry started setting in. Obviously, I'm still on cloud 9 and grateful we're having another chance, but behind it all there's some worry. Every pain I feel, every time I don't have a symptom. I'm trying so hard to focus on the positive, but some days that's harder than others.

I think this week will be the hardest. At least I hope I'm getting the hardest (emotional) part out of the way! Tomorrow will be the day I started bleeding last time. Then Wednesday will be the day I miscarried. I feel like if I can get past that day, I'll feel more confident. Friday is our first doctor's appointment, and I'm telling myself that if I can just make it to Friday, everything will be perfect. I'll have all my worries disconcerted and know how well the baby is progressing. I'm not sure if we'll be able to do an ultrasound, but they're going to do a full work up so we'll know how it's going.

Yesterday I woke up to some extreme nausea and found excitement in it. I didn't mind at all, in fact, I welcomed it. We're not keeping the news a secret this time, and not waiting to buy things or look at items we'll need. I've decided that I'm going to celebrate every moment I have with this pregnancy. If, God forbid, something is to happen, I want to have enjoyed every moment I had and know that every second I have is truly a blessing we've been given by God.

JM and I have started celebrating every Sunday, which marks a start of a new week in the pregnancy. The last couple of weeks have been with Cupcake Camper's cupcakes and a glass of milk. A prayer is said, thanking God for the past week he's given us and asking him to help us and the baby in the week to come. Then we 'cheers' with our milk glasses and enjoy our cupcake. It's becoming a great weekly celebration for us, and a time to reflect and refocus on what's really important.